What Does Your Favourite Band Say About Your Sex Life?
The great thing about Tastebuds is that it allows you to connect with people according to their music tastes, building friendships and relationships that start with shared passions, lead to you meeting people to go to gigs with, great mixtapes exchanged, and hopefully end with that ultimate step, the combining two record collections, the bringing together of one person’s Zappa with another’s ABBA.
However, knowing what someone’s favourite bands are can also have a number of other useful benefits you may not have considered. Most importantly of all, a person’s favourite bands can tell you everything you need to know about how good they will be in bed. Click on the profile of whoever you have currently got your eye on, scroll down to their favourite bands and let this handy guide tell you whether it’s going to be ‘Rocks Off’ or ‘(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction’.
Kraftwerk: Efficient. The right buttons will be played and the sounds will be pleasant, but like the band themselves, they are not going to date well. Could also obviously get a little robotic.
Florence + The Machine: A lot of wailing, but ultimately pointless. Never mind ‘Dog Days Are Over’, it’s unlikely they will ever begin.
Metallica: Very loud and very fast.
The Beatles: Likely to start cute romantic, but then get about halfway get very strange indeed. Just be wary if they start to talk about your ‘Octopuses’ Garden’…’
Take That: Just as you think they’ve faded into obscurity, there will be a triumphant comeback (or ‘Greatest Lay’, if you will).
Sigur Ros: You won’t understand anything they’re doing, but you’ll love every second of it.
Status Quo: You’ll spend most of it thinking ‘how the hell are you still going?!’
Deee-Lite: One fantastic four minutes then you will never hear from them ever again.
seriously, the best four minutes of your life
Morrissey: Amazing in their prime but now just relying on past glories.
The Ramones: They will pretty much only have one move done in only very slightly different ways. But what a move it is.
Pink Floyd: Despite what you will have heard, you’ll take them home and discover that they will not be anywhere near as good as everyone says they are. (Pink Floyd are terrible. Deal with it.)
David Bowie: The most earth-shatteringly great lover you will have….something I am definitely not just saying because I am wearing a Ziggy Stardust t-shirt and listening to ‘Low’ on vinyl as I write this…
Which music fans have made you ‘Twist and Shout’, and which one just made you want to cry ‘Help!’? Let us know in the comments below.
Samuel Spencer is a London-based blogger writing about arts and pop culture and answering pop’s important questions, like ‘Who Let the Dogs Out?’ and ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas’. Read more of his work here.
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